Caffeine: Vol 57
I’m late, I know. It’s already been a morning, but I hope today’s lunch brings you the joy you need.
Because I am late, we will get right into today’s topic.
Ever since Martin hit HBO Max, my husband has faithfully watched and rewatched every single episode more than once.
We have our favorites like these
And this one is my personal favorite 👇🏽
It wasn’t until he rewatched season 2, episode 27 (Martin’s in the Move) that Julian mentioned to me that this episode was in response to him getting banned from Saturday Night Live.
At this point, I had no clue that Martin was ever on SNL, let alone hosted an episode. It’s probably because he got banned, and his banned content is so under wraps that it makes you forget all about it.
But on February 19, 1994, Martin hosted and appeared on SNL for the first and last time.
Folks apparently were so appalled by his opening monologue that they received over 200 complaints and caused protests from several SNL sponsors. His March 9, 1994, appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno was canceled.
There are also rumors that some folks were fired immediately after his episode because of his off-script rouge performance.
In his 2020 Breakfast Club interview, he addressed that he actually wasn’t banned from SNL, he was banned from the network, NBC. But the then NBC president, Warren Littlefield, sent Martin an apology letter saying welcome back to NBC.
After diving deep into the internet, I found someone who recently posted the uncensored clip from his ’94 monologue.
Here is the portion of the monologue that got cut out.
Something else concerns me and it hurts, see I’m, I’m single, I’m a single man, I don’t have nobody, I’m looking for somebody and- but I’m meeting a lot of women out there, and you got some beautiful women, but you got some out there that, uh, I gotta say somethin’. Um… some of you are not washing your ass properly.* (laughter & applause) OK? Don’t- don’t get me wrong, not all, some of you, you know what I’m sayin’, uh… I’m sorry, ‘Cause uh, listen, now, I don’t know what it is a woman got to do to keep up the hygiene on the body I know, uh, I’m watching douche commercials on television, and I’m wonderin’ if some of you are reading the instructions. I don’t think so. Y’know, ’cause I’m getting with some of the ladies, smelling odors, going “Wait a minute. (gestures with index finger) Girl, smell this! This you! Smell yourself, girl.”
Smell yourself! I tell a woman in a minute, douche! douche! Some women don’t like when you tell them that, when you straightforward with them. “Douche!” They, (imitating woman) “Forget you! You cannot douche all the time, you’re gonna wash all the natural juices out the body.” I say, well, I dont give a damn what you do, put a Tic-Tac in your ass. Put a Cert in your ass. Oh, oh, y’know, this look like a good damn place for a Stick-up up in your ass.
I’m sorry, y’all. You got to wash properly. You know, and then, you know, ’cause I’m a man, I like to kiss on women, you know, I like to kiss all over their bodies, you know. But if you’re not clean in your proper areas I can’t… you know… kiss all over the places I wanna kiss. You know, some women’ll let you go down, you know what I’m sayin’, knowin’ they got a yeast infection. (Some audience disgust) I’m sorry. Sorry. Come up with dough all on your damn lip… Got a bagel and a croissant on your lip. “Anybody got any butter?” I like jelly on mine.
Sidenote: Do y’all remember Certs? I used to love them. They stopped making them in 2018 because they possibly had partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil in the ingredients, which isn’t allowed apparently.
So what do you think? Too much?
I don’t think it’s bad. If you think about some of the other things comedians joked about in their early days of standup this is a cakewalk. But if you think back to the early 90s, folks didn’t talk about feminine hygiene.
This was the era when oral sex was still taboo.
Look back at some of those early [Black] movies, when they talk about men “going down” on women. Jokes seem to always follow.
So then I get the searching on the internet and I found this 1987 Massengill commercial.
While it is only 30 seconds, this clip is so cringy. I can’t believe this was aired on TV.
I don’t even think Massengill is even in business anymore, but the point is, in the early 90s, and late 80s, douche commercials were common. We don’t see them anymore, but Martin got his content for this monologue one day while watching TV. He even says, “I’m watching douche commercials on television, and I’m wonderin’ if some of you are reading the instructions.”
The fact that he got banned for this was utterly ridiculous. But also, I am not surprised because you know how they do us [black folks].
So once I found out that Martin got banned, I wondered, who else?!
He became big after he starred in the film The Pianist in 2002. Well, during his opening monologue in 2003, this white man decides to walk on stage wearing faux locks and speak in a Jamaican accent. His explanation, Sean Paul was the musical guest. His monologue has been scrubbed from the SNL archives, but you know Twitter has everything.
Why did he think this was a good idea?! Have we seen him at all since this??
DJ Muggs smoked a joint during their live performance and broadcast in 1993. Knowing Cypress Hill’s music, this is not surprising at all.
You could probably get away with doing this today, but in the early 90s, lighting a joint on national TV was a sure way to get the boot.
The spark begins at the 4:30 mark.
She ripped up a picture of the Pope while Bob Marley’s song War played in the background. While she tore it into pieces, saying, “Fight the real enemy!”
Her SNL performance was in 1992, and the Pope was, and still is, a major public figure in the world, so you know they were up in arms with her about this statement. Just like you can’t say anything about the Jewish community, you can never speak or do anything that seems hateful towards the Pope.
There is a slew of other folks who got the boot, like Robert Blake, Chevy Chase, Steven Seagal, Trump, and of course his bestie Kanye.
Well friend I got to get going. My Monday is Mondaying and I’m already behind. But next time we chat it will be my birthday volume, and that one is always so much fun!