All Flats ⏤ Vol 44

Finding childcare is no joke. But you really want to hear this dating story. It's a spooky one. 👻

Hey Friend! 

How are you doing on this beautiful Monday? Has life been treating you well? 

I had my first Mother’s Day a couple of weeks ago, and I have my amazing husband to thank for ensuring that my first one was nothing short of perfect and all about ME. You only get one time to have a first. 

Besides spending the weekend at the art museum for a tour, wine tasting, and brunch, we hung out with friends for a cookout and finally finished Top Boy. Sully 😳

Finishing a series is now a massive accomplishment in our household. And the fact that we were able to watch the final THREE episodes of Top Boy consecutively is significant over here. 

Most of all, I loved hanging out with my party of three during that weekend. It was the best, and I can’t wait to make all the memories together as a family. 

Today for lunch, we have wings, but all flats.

If you are looking for a tasty wing sauce recipe, check this one out. It does not make the wings saucy or wet because that is not my preference for wings, it gives the right about of sweet + savory flavor, and you can make them right in the oven. I’m usually not the wing maker in the house, but I made these one day, and I surprised the hell out of myself. 

What kind of wing person are you? All flats or drumsticks? 

Today’s Topics: 

• The Nanny Files 

• I See Dead People 

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The Nanny Files 

Trying to find a nanny seems impossible.

Thank goodness for our doula because she is hanging in there with us with her postpartum services. Technically her support is supposed to end after 6-8 weeks, but she has been rocking with us. 

My requirements for a nanny are not astronomical, but I have non-negotiables that shouldn’t be this hard to meet. 

1. Nanny of color - I want a Black nanny, but I would be open to other ethnicities. I don’t think I am wrong for requesting or wanting this. I am not naming this as a requirement in my job ads, but when reviewing or searching for applicants, this is top of mind. Representation is essential to us. I want our son to see that. Does this mean that someone not Black isn’t capable of caring for our little one? Of course not. It’s just our preference. 

2. Fully vaccinated - I don’t think I have to explain why on this, but if you are entering our home and spending an extended amount of time with our son, you better have gotten THREE shots (I would even compromise for two), just like his parents. 

3. Experience with infants - Again, another no-brainer. If you haven’t worked with infants before, why are you on my line? 

4. Punctual - Why is this so hard?! 

So I put up an ad on care.com and even paid a premium (that ish was NOT cheap) for the service, including unlimited background checks on candidates. 

I had hella hits on our ad, and I was like ok BOOM, this might be an easy process to find someone qualified with references. Boy, was I fooled. The first person I set up a phone interview with seemed like a good match, but I was wrong. 

First of all, she didn’t answer the phone at our scheduled time. She then called me back 15 minutes later, asking if we could reschedule our call because she was caring for her FOUR-MONTH-OLD daughter. Ma’am, how are you going to care for my kid when you just popped one out yourself. 

I told her I only allotted 30 minutes for our call, and now we have less than 15 minutes left of that time. I think she was a little shook at my response. She proceeded to say, ‘well, as long as you don’t mind a little crying.’ At this point, I already knew she was not it, but I decided to chat with her anyway; I honestly don’t know why. I guess I was trying to be nice. 

My first question for her was, how in the world will you have time to watch my baby when you have your own to look after. She said she has live-in support that watches her daughter during the day when she is at work. 

While this sounds good, it’s not. Because if that beautiful baby gets sick, I guarantee you will drop mine and rush to yours; as she should. 

She also had zero experience dealing with newborns besides her own. While one might think that is qualified experience, it’s not. Caring for your baby is wildly different than caring for someone else’s. There is no comparison. I need someone who has successfully cared for someone else’s baby. 

She is out.

Plus, Sis was late to our call and then tried to reschedule me. If you knew you would be late, you should have contacted me first. NEXT!

The following interview I had was also late. Now I am noticing a pattern that I do not enjoy.

When I called for our scheduled time, I was immediately sent to voicemail and sent a text. “I’m on the phone with my mom right now. Call you back in a little bit.” 

She’s out was my immediate thought. You knew you had a job interview scheduled at this time, why would you not tell your mom you would call her back unless it was an emergency; it was not. 

Safe to say, her first impression was not the best. 

And while she had the experience I was looking for, she worked in the infant nursery at her church for a year, fully vaccinated, and Black her punctualness and lack of confidence or enthusiasm on the phone with me was not it. It sounded like she didn’t really want to talk to me. NEXT! 

The third interviewee I never got to speak with. 

This person did not answer the phone when I called. I gave everyone a heads up that I had a 404#, so they knew I was not a spammer. I don’t answer numbers I do not know, I thought maybe they would be the same. 

But this one didn’t even answer the phone. It went to voicemail three times. So I left her a voicemail. I gave this person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was in a dead spot in her home or just hung up a call. But after my voicemail went unanswered for 20 minutes, I said, “welp.” 

But then my phone rang off the hook.

She called me back four times. I was unable to answer because I was on the phone with the service department at the car dealership going off on them because this was the 3rd time my car had been in the shop with them in 2 months. 🤬

I was expecting a voicemail or maybe a message on care.com from her. But I got nothing.

There was no message saying “sorry I missed your call” or “I don’t know why my phone didn’t ring. Can we reschedule?” I got nothing, which seemed like she was not interested at all. If you missed a call for a job interview you requested, and the interviewer left you a message, wouldn’t you do the same? 

I’m chasing no one to watch my son. Absolutely not. 

If you can’t have the decency to answer the phone on time, what does that tell me about how you will show up to work? NEXT! 

I had one more scheduled candidate. I was over it at this point and expected her not to answer the phone based on the history of the other applicants. But she answered on time, and I liked her! 

But Sis told me she was available ONE, maybe two days a week. One day of help and support is better than none, but what will I do with that, honestly.  

So I gave up for now. 

My work schedule isn’t super demanding just yet. I can manage John-Joseph during the workday with the couple of days of support I have from my doula, and the hubs works from home one day a week which is also helpful. 

What I will not do is rush to find someone to come into my home to watch our most prized possession. I’ll be hella patient for that and figure shit out on my [our] own. 

Oh, and another thing. Folks responded to my ad with, “I’m available, but can you drop him off at my house?” 

Ma’am, NO! 

Now I am new to child care, but the “I can be your nanny, but it must be at my house” is something I was not expecting.

This local sitter group on Facebook has so many people offering in-home sitter services. I just can’t imagine dropping my baby off in someone's home that has not been thoroughly inspected. I don’t know the type of people that stop by or live there. I don’t know your cleaning habits, and you expect me to drop my baby off to you?! Hard pass. 

Ok, last thing. 

Also, in this Facebook group, moms post ads for someone to come to their house the very next day and drive their kids somewhere. 

So, in less than 24 hours, you mean to tell me you want a stranger to come into your home, watch your kids while you are gone, AND drive and pick them up from somewhere?! 

Do you see my challenge here? 

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I See Dead People 

It’s time for another dating story! If you missed the first two I shared, check them out below. 

• Houston’s in Memphis 

• On the DL (The one I called gay on a date) 

This story I am sharing today isn’t quite a Tinder dating story. We instead met in person but reconnected on Facebook many years later. 

The title of this one, I See Dead People, should already intrigue you to read what the hell happened when I made a trip out west and spent the weekend in a sleek modern-day haunted house. 

Sometimes I can’t believe some of the shit that happens to me. 

He continues, “That next morning, we talked for hours about what she saw and discovered that she too has this haunting feeling, and it’s been following her around for years. We said to each other, ‘finally someone who gets me,’ and we tried to date, but it didn’t work out. Not because we weren’t compatible, but our spirits didn’t get along.”

Yo, I have heard everything at this very moment. I’ve been in shock most of my trip out here, and not in an exciting let me see where this goes shock.

Now it’s late, and I’m mentally exhausted. I think he can tell my brain is overloaded. We decide to head upstairs to go to bed.

As I climb into bed, he begins to turn on the lights. So I ask him, “What’s with sleeping with lights on?”

“They hide in the shadows,” he responds.

“So you are telling me these spirits hide in shadowy corners, and that is why you sleep with the lights on?”

“Yes, because that way, they can’t get close to me while I sleep.”

I instantly get up and turn every light on in the upstairs area.

I am lying in his lighted bedroom, thinking to myself, how in the hell did I get into this. I couldn’t believe what I was experiencing at the moment.

Eventually, I fall asleep, but I wake up super early the following day and get the packing. My flight wasn’t for another 8 hours, but I wanted to get a head start.

When he gets up, he suggests we go to a nearby cafe for breakfast. I’m thinking anything to get me out of this modern-day haunted house.

After a few sips of coffee, I decide to ask a question. “Are you the only one in your family that has had this experience?”

“I am not. My grandmother has had these experiences as well. She was also a talented painter and musician in her younger years. It got to the point that she didn’t keep any mirrors in her home because they would appear to her in them.”

My eyes widened with pure shock. To him, it said, “tell me more.”

He continues.

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Well friend. Lunch was fun. We have three weeks until our next date. That is plenty of time for you to tell a friend how much you love your lunch dates with me. Share on your favorite social media platform for me, please. Thanks friend!

Oh and let me leave you with a 🔥 2000s playlist by my good friend Des. Listen on Tidal or Spotify. If you don’t have either of those stream platforms, you can use this free website to automatically convert the playlist to your streaming platform of choice.

Enjoy friend. See you soon.

xo, Jemia