Yams ⏤ Vol 16
Barbie Girl, Hidden Fears, and Spring Break of the 90s
Hi Friend! Can you believe that March is halfway over, and we have been on lockdown for one year?
When is your quarantine anniversary? Meaning, when is the first day you bunkered down at the house? Ours was March 15, which is the day we got home from Spain.
I remember waking up one day in beautiful Madrid to over a hundred "get-out" text messages from our friends + family back in America. Talk about a crazy point in time, which of course, had to happen over our honeymoon.
This reminder journal entry popped up a few days ago. Don't mind the typos; you get what I was saying in the midst of my nervousness and rage.
This is another reason why I love to journal; I get to revisit exact memories from a point in time in my life. Yes, this is a major life marker; I would probably remember it without writing it down. But there are life moments that I had forgotten about. Now I can revisit them whenever I want. Good or bad, it’s beautiful.
Ok so Boom. For lunch today, we have Yams! These yams are delicious and my favorite recipe that I have used thus far. I do make a few tweaks, like adding marshmallows on top and using all-spice instead of the cumin & nutmeg (I would use them if I would ever remember to buy more), but besides that, it’s the same. Try them out next time you want to have soul food at the crib.
Here are today's topics:
The Big Leap
Life office hours
Spring Break in the 90s
The Big Leap
In Volume 14, I recommend a book, The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks. It’s a book about conquering your hidden fears to take your life to the next level.
We all have a hidden fear about something in life—work, family, marriage, friendships, a difficult conversation, money, etc. There is something out there that has made you uncertain before.
Hendricks does a fantastic job breaking down how to remove barriers that get in our way to help us move to the next level.
I am not into many self-help books; I feel like they all say the same thing but using different words and examples.
This author makes you think about preparation before talking about the leap you may or may not take. Like this...
Hendricks states, to begin whatever journey you are on, answer these four questions:
Am I willing to increase the amount of time every day that I feel good inside?
Am I willing to increase the amount of time that my whole life goes well?
Am I willing to feel good and have my life go well all the time?
Am I willing to take the Big Leap to my ultimate level of success in love, money, and creative contribution?
Now let me stop those looking at #4 and think "creative contribution", I'm not creative. That is problem #1, yes you are.
Everyone is creative in their own way. Some people are hella creative at work, thinking of new ways to make meetings more efficient or craft a bomb-ass email. Think about what people ask of you to do at work because you are excellent at it. That is your dash of spice on some boring and mundane task. So yes, you are creative.
Another example, think of a life hack that you have. Something you do that makes your life a little brighter or even easier. If you've shared this little tip with someone before, that is you spreading your creativity.
You got it friend. Trust me, you do.
After you answered those four questions, answer this final one — How am I getting in my own way?
Sit with this for a few weeks, and we will have a follow-up chat about it.
Sidenote: The Big Leap is a huge inspiration for my next project!
Life office hours
We all have work hours, whatever that looks like for you. But do you have life hours? Hours were you turn everyone off and disconnect.
At least 4 times a week, including weekends, I do not take calls or text after a certain period of time. Because part of my every day is being super social online, I need time to be off from everyone.
On the days I am disconnecting, my phone is in a place that is not within eye-sight, either on the kitchen island or in my office.
Do I miss out on active conversation within my group chats? Absolutely. But to create boundaries for me, I have to. There is nothing wrong with occasionally responding to text the next day or hours later. Who came up with the rule that text messages have to be answered immediately?
With so much connection happening all day, every day, it's nice to unapologetically be in my own bubble and not worry about what is going on. All the tea will be there when you return.
Even when I want to catch up with my closest girlfriends, I call or FaceTime them in the mornings (before 8:30) or sometime mid-day. Because after my workday, I am on ME time.
Intentionally making this space has helped me create way more balance in my life. It's crazy how quickly you can get caught up being available to everyone.
Yesterday was one of those weird national holidays — Write your own story day.
If you could write the next five major milestones of your story, what would it be?
Here's my five, in no particular order:
Have two healthy, beautiful children with my hot husband
A feature in Essence magazine for my success with BlackWifeLife
Best selling author
A featured couple on OWN's Black Love Doc
I looked at this "write your own story" day as a way to manifest. It could have written some widely over-the-top story, like become best friends with Rihanna, make an exorbitant amount of money, or walk the red carpet at the Met Gala. Instead, I decided to manifest things I can absolutely see for my life at this very moment.
The above can and will happen, I've already started paving a path to achieve it.
So I ask again, If you could write the next five major milestones of your story, what would it be?
Write it down. Look at it daily, weekly, monthly, and manifest that shit to LIFE!
Spring Break in the 90s
I remember waiting for March to watch MTV's Spring Break in the 90s. I used to imagine when I went to college that I would gather all my girlfriends, and we would head down to Daytona Beach for a wild week of partying, finding our way in front of the camera to make a split cameo on MTV's Spring Break.
For a week, MTV aired 8 straight hours of pure drunken white college kids with no rhythm dancing to the hottest records of the year. And I desired to be there, to be one of the few Black girls the camera catches in their pan of the crowd.
BET didn't start Spring Bling until '97, but it didn't catch on until 2000; all the major Black artists were still invested in MTV's version.
But once I watched Spring Bling, I said GOODBYE to my dreams of attending MTV's version, and I wanted to party with my people. I didn't care if I wasn’t an HBCU student; I wanted to be in this crowd.
As an adult, I miss the carefree-ness of Spring Break. Yea, I can take a trip whenever I like, I don't have to wait for a specific time of year to do so. However, there is something about a spring break vacation in your early 20s.
I never made it to Spring Bling or MTV’s Spring Break, but I did have one "I don't remember much" spring break in Miami in '07.
To date, one of the best girls trips I've been on.
Women of the 90s Playlist
Since March is Women's History Month, I decided to give a little love to Alternative + Pop Women of the 90s. I don't know what it was about alternative and rock music in the 90s, but I loved it; Summer Hits of the 90s playlist on Pandora is still in my top 3.
I had BlackWifeLife's playlist curator whip up something special for this week’s Monday Lunch soundtrack. If you love Alanis Morissette, Robyn or Aqua, check out this quick power hour and get your alternative pop vibes on.
#read — Just As I Am: A Memoir - Cicely Tyson
#watch — Charles & Diana: 1983 (Hulu, 48 min)
Are you full? We had a big lunch. You should have some leftovers because we won't have lunch again until April 5! I know you still have some leftovers in the fridge from Vol 14, don’t forget them. As always, thanks for having lunch with me. It's my favorite part of the day. See you next month.